Over the months, this has become a familiar dance for me, so that I don't dread sleep the way I did, or waking. I think I've learned to hold onto that moment a little longer each day so that the vacancy isn't so hollow. And maybe I've learned how to let go of it.
My brother included this in the program for the funeral service. "You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” -Anne Lamott